Impossible is nothing because, when you treat your impossibles as something you can tackle from another perspective, choosing your belief system to work for you, instead of against you, you can change your possibilities towards possible. You can tweak your personal change in any direction you choose, but first, collect the knowledge, make your strategy and start small.
Why is it important to have healthy boundaries?
Healthy boundaries have to be set mentally, emotionally but also physically (i.e. in a working environment) and are a sign of good mental health practices. By doing that we set up a good example to others (and our children), it is less likely to experience burnout in the workplace, and we boost our autonomy and our identity. By not doing that we will most probably experience emotions of anger, resentment, and burnout.
Boundaries define our communication style while giving us an opportunity to stay true to ourselves so we don't get lost in our relationships, as a membrane of our cells, protecting its inner core while connecting us to others. They are an essential part of our mental health by preserving our identity.
If our boundaries are too rigid we are not able to communicate with the world around us and eventually it will break and our mental health, our inner core, will be jeopardized. If it’s too loose, then it is not protective enough, and if it is like a healthy cell membrane, then it decides what goes in or out while protecting its own authenticity.
Definition of healthy boundaries in relationships.
Boundaries are defining the health of our relationships, the healthier the boundaries, the healthier the relationship.
Boundaries are set in a space where one person “ends” and the other “begins”. Boundaries can be loose, rigid, somewhere in between, or even non-existent Healthy boundaries are connected with knowing one’s identity and preserving it by taking responsibility only for the things that one has under its control, i.e. their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. People tend to mirror themselves to the other person, especially to their children not letting them take responsibility for their existence also. That can slow or even ruin the forming of one's identity and have a negative impact on a person’s individuality. Those children then just continue to form similar relationships with loose or nonexisting boundaries with people in their life later on. It’s a vicious cycle.
There are some rules on setting healthier boundaries.
Define and say out loud things that you want in a relationship and the things that you don’t want to experience. Name the expectations from your partner, co-worker, or your child, but name them for yourself also.
Be aware of responsibilities in a relationship. You are responsible for your failures but for your successes also. Another person is responsible for themselves, no matter how great an influence you had on her/she/them. When working with athletes, even those winning Olympic medals, they are the ones who did it. I am responsible for providing experience and knowledge, but they are responsible for making something out of it.
Manage your time. You do not have to be at disposition to others all the time. They are not going to like you more or even dislike you if you don’t have the time for them all the time. If they do dislike you for your legit reasons not to be available, then they just didn’t pass the friendship test.
Talk to your partners so you don’t resent them for not reading your mind. If you want to be alone sometimes, that’s O.K. And if you need anything, like more help around something or just a bit of support, talk!
Define expectations with your children, know where they end and you begin. Define what is OK and what IS NOT OK.
The formula:
Definition of a boundary (be as specific as you can before explaining it to the other).
Communicate it to the other by using “I messages”, do not sugar coat it, and be simple.
Explain why that is important to you and what will probably happen if the boundaries are broken.
Be consistent.