There are abilities that people often think they can’t change, that they are born that way or that they had inherited that style of living but science is here to prove us wrong and to test our convictions about your possibility to change. One of those abilities is compassion - can you be more compassionate? Let’s see if the impossible is nothing!
Importance of compassion:
In a world where even running shoes are made mainly for men, we have to change the perspective and make the world more for everybody.
I’m sharing this vision with adidas and ultraboost 22 - a shoe made for female form so we can make our impossible possible and achieve hi-energy. We can own our energy by changing the view, not only in performance but in the way we perceive ourselves and the way we are thinking and behaving, as well as the way we perceive others and the differences we have.
Before we continue to talk about compassion, let’s see what sculpts our convictions about compassion, why do we sometimes think that it’s a sign of weakness, something undesirable?
For example, leadership is a term coined for businessmen, and as such compassion is perceived as an undesirable trait, a sign of weakness. Following those (old) rules can put us in a position where we don’t want to improve this very important characteristic.
Now leadership has to be a term coined for everybody, not just so we can be more successful in leading others, but to be more successful in leading ourselves.
Compassion is the main term connected with the feminine perspective in leadership and, thus so, often perceived as a sign of weakness. Compassion is a trait that should not be perceived as a weakness because to be compassionate, you have to work hard against the evolution and our “normal” functioning of the brain. This is because our brain wants us to be safe and being compassionate sometimes means to accept our flaws, trust others and to be vulnerable - to be exposed. So a lot of strength is needed to be or become more compassionate.
The science behind compassion:
So, how can we be more compassionate towards ourselves?
Our brain is set up to work as a conscious mechanism made to keep us safe and that is the main reason why we tend to have a lot of negative thoughts (more than half of our daily thoughts are negative or at least unpleasant - out of tens of thousands thoughts in general). Why is that? Negative thoughts make us more conscious and thus safer. We will not go bravely and discover something unknown, we will not put ourselves at risk. The brain is going to “fight” those tendencies with negative thoughts and self-talk that will have the purpose to keep us in our comfort zone.
To be mindful is to have the opportunity to know yourself better and to have the opportunity to accept those negative thoughts, observe them and let them go when needed. Fighting them or making them disappear, can only make them stronger. You can become more self-compassionate by using mindful practices.
How to be more mindful and use mindful practices - here is some general advice:
No matter which style of meditation you choose, it would be great if you follow these guidelines.
Meditation is not about achieving particular results. It is about being in the present moment, as it is, with a kind and open attitude.
Some may have the belief that one must perform the meditation in the “right” way. Expectancies like “becoming relaxed” or “clearing the mind” can cause a form of rigid concentration that is in sharp contrast to the open and kind awareness that meditation aims to cultivate. If this is the case, try to lighten up by being playful in meditation.
If you let go and become more present at the moment - you will detach yourself from havetos and musts. The BYPRODUCT will be that you will be calmer and you'll have lesser thoughts. You will practice acceptance because in meditation there is no pressure of being fine - it’s O.K. not to be O.K.
Compassion toward others is as important as acceptance of oneself.
We tend to see the world from our perspective and through our values and criteria. Seeing people as different can make us uncompassionate and exclusive. That does not only corrode our relationships and creates an environment of rigidness and exclusion, it also has the potential of blocking our growth.
If we think about the flaws we see in other people, the flaws we don’t like, we will see the things we avoid so often, not giving the same chances to everybody. So, what can help? Seeing other people's flaws as over-enhanced virtues can even lead us to define our personal growth space.
Here’s how we can do that:
For example, if someone often leaves an impression of being strict and rigid - and we see that flaw as being a trait that is over enhanced - when we diminish the strength of that trait we can see that person has good boundaries but does not know how to loosen up their criteria sometimes. Maybe, because it bothers us that much, we see that we lack that trait and that our boundaries could use a bit of improvement. We also have some traits that we like to consider being our virtues, but as well as any other person, we can sometimes over enhance it and turn it into a flaw.
By seeing other people's flaws as over-enhanced virtues, we can become more compassionate in conversation and relationships in general. Compassion is your first possible direction, why not take it today?